Lente
by Syrinx
Summary: Slowly, slowly, things fall out of place. Sequel to Victory Comes and Goes. Ashleigh/Brad.
1. Collapse

Lente  
By Syrinx  
Summary: Slowly, slowly, things fall out of place.

Pairing: Ashleigh/Brad

Disclaimer: All rights to the Thoroughbred series belong to Joanna Campbell and Harper Collins.

A/N: Sequel to Victory Comes and Goes.

Part I: Collapse

Kentucky in January was a cold state, always covered in a coating of ice or a thin blanket of crust-like snow. In the third week of January, the area was already experiencing its first real snowfall. If it had been rain, Ashleigh Griffen would describe the precipitation around her as coming down in sheets. Instead she blinked as the wet flakes collided against her skin, and pulled her coat closer around her.

The training oval in front of her was the only thing not covered in the thick, wet snow. It was a manicured, dark stretch of dirt and sand against the white that surrounded it. The horses that worked across it blew misty breaths in the air, their own bodies matching the color of the dirt.

The only horse that differed from the others was the one Ashleigh couldn't pull her eyes from. The mare was a splattered dapple gray, with a pale coat and a dark mane and tail that enticed her fans into calling her "striking" and all other various and beautiful synonyms.

Ashleigh stood in the snow, her arms crossed and her mouth set in a frown as she watched the gray daughter of Unbridled's Song and Mischief Maiden. Maiden Voyage cantered easily through the snow, her dark mane whipping back at Samantha McLean's face as the young girl guided the gray toward the gap. Brad and Maddock were beside her, talking about a topic that concerned her, although neither seemed interested in finding out her opinion.

"You know she's ready," Brad argued. "We've discussed this with my father over the whole damn week, and the decision he made was to work her."

"Which was a decision he made with your pushing," Maddock reminded him. "I was never too pleased with the idea."

"It's a three furlong breeze," Brad said. "She's been jogging since the beginning of the month, and I think it's about time to get a real feeling as to where we are with her."

"She's coming back from a broken leg," Ashleigh replied darkly, getting the attention of both men. "We're not even thinking of racing her until April as it is, so why are we pushing to see where we are?"

"You've never heard of a leap of faith, have you?" Brad asked her, making Ashleigh roll her eyes.

"I'd rather leap when I'm sure about where I'm going," Ashleigh answered.

"The vet checked her out yesterday," Brad sighed. "He cleared her for more strenuous activity. What more do I have to say?"

"She's a valuable mare," Maddock said. "We're taking it slow with her because she is a brood prospect for the farm, Brad."

"My father wants to see if she can make some money between now and when she has a foal," Brad responded. "Outside of retiring her and shipping her to an auction, she's more valuable racing."

"She might make plenty at auction," Ashleigh thought aloud.

"Of course she would," Brad said, sounding unconvinced. "But so would her foals, and she might earn more this year if we play our cards right. The mare is sound. I wouldn't do this if she didn't have clearance."

"You're still taking a chance," Maddock said evenly.

"I'm comfortable with that," Brad responded.

"Then it's your call," Maddock said, raising his hand to signal Samantha. Ashleigh had updated her friend on the situation earlier in the morning, and Samantha's mouth slipped into a hard line as she slid her fingers into the mare's mane and moved her past the gap.

Already warmed up, Maiden Voyage easily followed Samantha's lead and huffed misty plumes as she picked up speed. Leaning forward, Ashleigh put her gloved hands on the rail of the track and watched the gray mare near the inner rail as she approached the marker for the start of the breeze.

They were halfway on the far turn when Samantha put Maiden Voyage into a gallop, and they flew forward.

Maiden Voyage had always been a great mare. She had debuted for Townsend Acres on a sunny New York day in Saratoga, blowing the race wide open and winning by seven lengths. Her first stakes win was the Spinaway on the same weekend Wonder's Pride took the Hopeful Stakes. She came in second in the Breeders' Cup Juvenile Fillies by a nose, and bounced back later in the year to take the Starlet Stakes in California. She was precocious, but her glimmer never faded. At three she raced to a definitive win in the Kentucky Oaks and Acorn Stakes. In the same year that Wonder's Pride was retired due to injury, she was to become the farm's star.

In June those hopes slipped away. Voyage was headed toward the rest of the Triple Tiara when a misstep fractured her left cannon bone and placed her back at Townsend Acres, keeping her laid up until this January. Now she was back on the track, and as she raced to the ticking seconds on Maddock's stopwatch Ashleigh couldn't help seeing the same champion mare from a year before. Voyage hadn't changed at all.

The gray pounded past the finish, and Ashleigh let go of a breath she hadn't been aware she was holding. Samantha was up in the saddle, her cheeks beaten red from the frigid wind. Voyage was huffing dramatically, lowering her head and galloping out into the next turn.

"Well, damn," Maddock said softly, giving Brad the stopwatch. "Just over thirty-seven, which is more than we could have hoped for after a six month lay off."

"How's that for a leap of faith, Griffen?" Brad smirked, taking the stopwatch and looking for himself before passing it on to Ashleigh, as if they all had to see the time before determining it correct.

"Shut it, Townsend," Ashleigh replied, glancing at the time before handing the stopwatch back on its way to Maddock.

"Galloped out nicely also," Maddock added, watching the gray mare flip her head as Samantha slowed her into a rolling canter. Ashleigh nodded mutely, feeling her nerves finally stop singing. Voyage danced across the cold dirt, stretching her legs and slowing so Samantha could turn her back to the gap. Ashleigh watched the pair pick up into a joyful canter toward them along the outside rail, the mare showing off and kicking.

"The old man will be pleased," Brad announced. "He wanted to see her race in the Apple Blossom in April. Think we might get there?"

"If she improves from this, I have no doubt," Maddock said, putting the stopwatch in his pocket.

Ashleigh caught Samantha's smile as the horse and rider approached the gap, and gave the girl a thumb up. The work had been a success, and Samantha opened her mouth, about to call out something, when suddenly the mare shuddered and stumbled.

Everything seemed to freeze when Voyage caught herself. Samantha grabbed a fistful of mane as the mare attempted to right herself only to stumble again, her whole body falling forward toward the dirt. Acting on instinct, Samantha kicked her feet out of the stirrups and jumped clear, landing on her back in the dirt as the mare somersaulted forward and landed with a sickening crush underneath the outside rail.

Without a word, Ashleigh took off in a sprint past the men that were just beginning to move, running along the rail toward the fallen horse. Samantha was already pushing herself up, wincing as she got her feet underneath her to crawl the short distance to Voyage's body.

"Are you all right?" Ashleigh called, slipping in the snow. She half fell, half knelt by the mare's head, reaching up to grab the track rail to steady herself beside the struggling animal.

"I'm fine," Samantha said absently, putting a hand on the mare's neck and another on the reins. "Bruises, probably. Nothing big."

"Maddock!" Ashleigh yelled, scooting underneath the rail so she could get a better position to look at the mare's fragile left foreleg.

"God damn it," Maddock cursed, arriving quickly and kneeling next to Ashleigh, who was already running her gloved hands over the mare's leg. She shook her head grimly, feeling the uneven edges where there should be smooth bone.

Maddock pulled off his gloves and put his hands on the mare's leg, his mouth set grimly as he felt what Ashleigh already had.

"Shattered," he grumbled darkly, leaning back on his heels and sighing into his hand. Looking at the ground for a minute, he put his gloves back on and stood up, leaving the mare to Ashleigh and Samantha as he strode up to Brad, who stood a few paces away with a disbelieving look on his face.

"Get your father on the phone," Maddock ordered the shaken heir.

"Excuse me?" Brad asked after a second, as if he had just been shaken from a deep sleep.

"Your father," Maddock repeated. "It's his decision."

Ashleigh pressed a hand against Voyage's dappled neck, her gloved hand absorbing the mare's frightened heat. She looked at Samantha, trading a somber look, before turning to watch the men square off over her shoulder.

The snow fell softly around them. Maddock handed Brad his cell phone, pushing it into his hands when Brad was reluctant to accept it.

"Ken," Brad said, turning the cell phone over in his hands as Maddock only shook his head.

"You tell him her left fore is probably in about four pieces. Nothing cut through the skin, but in my opinion she can't be saved."

"I don't," Brad tried again, holding the phone as if he didn't know what to do with it.

"It's your call," Maddock said, then moved away, walking from the scene as the snow settled softly on the ground around them. Voyage took a deep breath and let it go in a stream of frothy white steam, blinking when snowflakes hit her eyelashes. Ashleigh stroked the mare's neck, listening to the snow. The dappled gray quietly looked at the sky, and Brad began to punch in the phone number.


	2. Common People

Part II: Common People

The Apple Blossom Handicap went to a young trainee at Mike Reese's Whitebrook Farm. The race wasn't televised, but Ashleigh had read the Daily Racing Form's recap and scanned over the charts. The filly that won was a good one, with a nice pedigree and a will to win, but somehow Ashleigh suspected that Voyage would have beaten her, broken leg and all. She tried not to think about this when she called Mike to congratulate him, because just the thought alone reminded her of a cold January morning.

"You've got to stop moving, Ash," Corey sighed, maneuvering around Ashleigh impatiently in the small bathroom. Ashleigh rolled her eyes and frowned at the hot iron Corey held close to her scalp, her dark brown hair rolled neatly around the metal coils.

"I don't know why I'm letting you do this," Ashleigh sighed, looking at herself standing in the mirror. So far Corey had turned half her hair into a mess of wild spiral curls, which Ashleigh would admit looked great if it wasn't for the process her friend was using to torture her.

"You're letting me do this because it's your birthday and if I've failed in every other way to find a guy for you, you'll find one tonight," Corey laughed, releasing her grip on the iron and letting Ashleigh's newly curled hair tumble down her neck in hot twists.

"My mind isn't exactly on finding a date tonight, Corey," Ashleigh said, staring at herself in the mirror.

"Yeah, yeah. Wonder's due, I know. Still, live a little," Corey told her, sectioning another clump of hair to put through the wringer.

"Thanks for that piece of advice," Ashleigh laughed shortly, staring at her manicured fingernails – another gift of Corey's – as she thought about the petite chestnut mare.

Wonder was deep into her fourth pregnancy, and was set to deliver literally at any time. Ashleigh had already insisted that the breeding manager give her a call that night if Wonder suddenly decided to go into labor. Ashleigh was set to run straight to Wonder's side, even if it meant abandoning her friends for the night. Turning twenty-one wasn't as special an event to Ashleigh as seeing Wonder's newest foal take its first steps, and everyone attending the dinner for Ashleigh later in the night knew that.

Tired of standing in front of the mirror, Ashleigh slipped slowly over and sat on the toilet seat, crossing her legs and plucking at the material of her skirt – also the product of Corey's insistence – as though she were inspecting it for flaws.

"Hey, Ash," Samantha called, walking into the doorway of the bathroom with a vase of yellow roses. "These just came from Mr. Townsend. Should I put them with the rest?"

Peering around Corey, Ashleigh took one look at the dozen yellow flowers and laughed. It seemed that every man she knew had sent her flowers for her birthday. Ian's striped lilies had arrived that morning, Mike's white tulips that afternoon, and now Mr. Townsend's yellow roses could join her collection on the coffee table.

"Yeah, just put them with the others," Ashleigh said, chuckling a little at the addition to her forest of flowers. All she needed was a contribution from Brad and Ashleigh figured her coffee table would be covered in blossoms, but then she would also be the first to acknowledge that it would never happen. Her relationship with Brad had been strained since Christmas, and even more so since January.

"Men," Corey chuckled, unwinding Ashleigh's hair from the hot iron and letting it curl in dark spirals from her hand.

Ghazi's was a small Italian restaurant on the corner of Richmond Street and Main. It had a bar, thick wood tables, and tiled floor the color of red clay. The plan was to meet Mike, Linda, and Jennifer at seven o'clock and by the time Ashleigh pulled her car up into a parking spot next to the restaurant it was already ten minutes past the hour.

"There she is!" Linda called from the front steps of the restaurant, waving in their direction. Ashleigh grinned and got out of the car with Corey and Samantha, revealing the outfit that Corey had spent nearly an hour mulling over before forcing Ashleigh to wear it.

"And she's in a skirt," Mike said, an eyebrow raised as Ashleigh walked up with the two other girls.

"Don't laugh," Ashleigh insisted. "It was all Corey. I had no part in it."

"Other than whining and resisting," Samantha added with a mischievous smile.

"You look fantastic," Jennifer commented, looking over the ensemble critically. "It's a little outdated, I suppose. Where did you get the skirt?"

Ashleigh looked down at the white, floor length skirt that fell like a slim tube around her hips and did a bell curve down to her feet. "Chad's wedding," she explained. "Caroline forced it on me, and the shoes and sweater. It was basically all Caroline."

"Figures," Linda laughed.

"Well, she does have all the fashion sense in the family," Jennifer said, smiling now. "We all know you don't normally wear cashmere."

"Thanks," Ashleigh groaned, motioning to the door. "If we're done can we head on inside?"

"I'm with Ash," Samantha said, hopping forward and heading for the door, leading the party inside.

As Ashleigh walked inside, Mike threw a friendly arm over her shoulder and told her she looked stunning, causing a soft blush to grow on her cheeks.

"Thanks," Ashleigh replied as they were led to their table, a candlelit set up in the corner of the restaurant. Mike gave her a quick squeeze before letting her go and taking a seat next to Samantha, leaving Ashleigh to settle herself between Corey and Linda.

Everyone started to talk and pick up their menus, discussing what they had had here before and what was considered good. Ashleigh looked at Mike for a moment, wondering why she had to be such an idiot before dropping her gaze to her menu and losing herself in the various dishes of pasta and pizza.

A few months ago they had decided to give it a go. Ashleigh had been reserved about the idea from the beginning, but Mike had a certain exuberance that she couldn't help liking. So their first date had been a dinner on a cold night in February. Things had ended in a kiss that, to Ashleigh, seemed off. It was nervous and lacking. It was what she had heard people describe as 'kissing your brother,' and that explanation seemed to fit at the time. A few weeks and a few kisses later, Mike gave her that exact reasoning for why their dating should stop. Ashleigh had agreed wholeheartedly, happy that she wasn't the only one with reserves. Mike was a good friend, and at the time she was convinced that meant nothing more.

Of course, he was seeing someone else now. All Ashleigh knew of it was that the girl was named Rebecca and they were growing more serious by the day, just as Ashleigh was beginning to realize that perhaps friendship with Mike was just a stepping stone to something else. They had just been too anxious to wait it out, she supposed.

Nearly everyone at the table ordered a pasta dish except Jennifer, who had used her age old "I'm on that new diet now" excuse. Linda chattered about the new colt her father had in training – a Brazilian import that had a liking for the turf. Mike commented on how he'd seen the horse at Keeneland last weekend, and how he was impressed.

"Nothing like that filly of yours," Linda laughed. "Heavenly Choir certainly pummeled the field in the Apple Blossom."

"We were just hoping to place, honestly," Mike chuckled softly. "She pulled a surprise on us, and I wasn't even there to see it."

"Where's she headed to?" Samantha asked, ripping apart her piece of bread and dipping it in olive oil.

"I'll probably ship her out to New York over the summer," Mike answered. "I'm going to hold out a little longer in picking out a path for her. She just now decided that she could run with big names, so I don't want to push my luck."

"What was that filly you had pointed to the Apple Blossom?" Corey asked, looking at Ashleigh. "Maiden something or another?"

Ashleigh winced, wrinkling her nose at the memory.

"Maiden Voyage," Samantha supplied.

"Townsend Prince's half-sister," Linda said, looking over at Ashleigh and Samantha.

"Ah, now she was a racer," Mike said, leaning back and looking as if he was recalling something distant.

"We had wanted to debut her in the Apple Blossom," Ashleigh said. "Remember, Core, I told you that she broke down a few months ago?"

"Damn," Corey said, pinching her lips together. "I'm sorry, I completely forgot that you put her down."

"She had a weak leg," Mike said. "It wasn't probably the best idea to breeze her so soon."

"What's done is done," Ashleigh shrugged, preferring to forget the mare's whole messy end.

"Well, it wasn't Maddock or Ash," Samantha said, sitting up in her chair defensively. "Brad was pushing for the breeze, remember? Technically it was his fault."

"Brad?" Jennifer asked, her simple query making Ashleigh roll her eyes. Jennifer had always been a little too eager when it came to the Townsends, especially Brad. She'd had a crush on him for what felt like forever, and Ashleigh supposed it was a realistic goal for Jennifer. The two ran in the same circles, meaning that they went to the same country clubs. Having Brad wasn't a totally ridiculous idea for Jennifer.

"Yes," Ashleigh said, gritting her teeth. "Brad."

"Sorry," Jennifer said sheepishly, picking up on Ashleigh's tension. "Didn't know you were pissed with him."

"We just haven't been seeing eye to eye on anything lately," Ashleigh sighed. "Since Christmas, really. Voyage was just another giant problem."

"Thought you weren't very interested in seeing eye to eye with Brad," Mike said, looking across the table at her. Ashleigh shrugged and suppressed a shiver.

"I never have been," she said firmly. "Let's stop talking about Brad."

"Agreed," Linda nodded, reaching into her absurdly large purse and pulling out a small, brightly wrapped gift before handing it to Ashleigh. "In fact, I've got a sure way to change the subject. Happy birthday, Ash."

"Thanks," Ashleigh laughed, giving her friend a hug.

"Well, open it," Linda urged, and Ashleigh began to rip into the sparkling paper.

Just after dinner, the mood had lightened and everyone was laughing when Ashleigh's cell phone rang. With a jump, Ashleigh hurried to answer it and the table silenced as she listened to the voice on the other end.

"You're sure?" Ashleigh asked, feeling her heart speed up.

"I'm damn sure," Thomas Warren, the new breeding manager for Townsend Acres replied. "In fact, she's moving along faster than I thought. You might want to hurry if you want to be here to see the birth."

"Thanks," Ashleigh said. "I'll be there as soon as possible."

"That was Tom?" Samantha asked when Ashleigh turned off her phone and threw it hurriedly into her bag.

"Yup," Ashleigh said. "It looks like Wonder's decided to give me a birthday present after all."

"Oh, I knew that mare was going to spoil everything," Corey sighed. "I worked so hard on you, and all for nothing."

"I really appreciated it," Ashleigh laughed, giving her friend a hug. "It's sort of fun to actually be seen as a female rather than a grubby farm worker."

"Thanks," Corey smiled, brightening. "Glad I could be of service."

"Go see Wonder," Linda said, shooing Ashleigh off. "If you're done earlier than you thought you can always meet back up with us."

"Smelling of horses?" Jennifer asked, raising an eyebrow. "At least wash your hands before you come back out. That's not too much to ask, is it?"

"I guess not," Ashleigh said with a laugh, gathering the small gifts her friends had given her and standing. "I'll see if I can hurry Wonder along."

"Nah, she'll get one look at that new foal and you won't be able to pry her from the broodmare barn for the next week," Mike joked, giving Ashleigh a kiss on the cheek in parting.

"See you soon, guys," Ashleigh called, then headed out of the restaurant in a rush with Samantha following behind her.

When Ashleigh parked her car outside of the breeding complex at Townsend Acres it was already starting to get unnaturally cold for an April night. She found herself shivering as she jogged into the main broodmare barn with Samantha, wishing she had a coat with her before plunging into the warmth of the stable.

The stable was quiet, with only the sounds of shifting horses and the soft, panting grunts of a mare in labor. Ashleigh found Tom standing by Wonder's stall, watching the scene calmly as Wonder turned and pawed at the bedding.

"How far along is she?" Ashleigh asked, stopping next to Tom and looking into the mare's stall, watching Wonder with concern.

"Another thirty minutes or so," he answered. "If it all goes smoothly we'll have a foal on the ground within the hour."

Ashleigh worried her lower lip between her teeth, her hands already on the latch of the stall door.

"She's all right," Tom assured her. "Wonder's an old pro at this now. She's got everything under control."

Nodding, Ashleigh let her hands drop to her side. Wonder snorted and pawed again, kicking her bedding until she was pleased with it before sinking to her knees into the straw.

"I can see its feet," Samantha whispered excitedly, pointing to two dark hooves beginning to show underneath Wonder's wrapped tail. The mare strained and grunted, rolling over onto her side as she pushed the foal forward. Soon the foal's nose appeared, tucked against long, slender forelegs.

"Looking good," Tom said softly, putting a hand on the door in case the mare suddenly needed assistance. Ashleigh could hardly resist pushing open the door and running to Wonder's head, wanting desperately to get to the mare and reassure her, even though she knew she'd probably only be in Wonder's way.

The mare grunted again and strained, pushing the foal's neck and shoulders forward onto the straw. The birth sac had broken by itself, and Ashleigh could see the foal twitch its ears and take its first few breaths as the last contractions slipped the rest of the baby's body onto the straw.

In an instant Wonder's head shot up from the straw and craned around so she could eye the new creature that shared her stall. The foal was curled up in the straw behind Wonder, already trying to lift its head and blink at the dim light.

"Oh, look at it," Samantha laughed. "She's going to look like her daddy."

"She?" Ashleigh asked, giving Samantha a skeptical look.

"I have a feeling," Samantha said with a wink.

"A little bay. Definitely more like Langfuhr," Tom grinned, mentioning the stallion Wonder had been sent to the year before.

Ashleigh let a breath of relief slide from her as Wonder let loose a nicker to her foal, a noise the baby immediately tried to imitate in a high pitched whine. Wonder drew her legs up underneath her and vaulted herself up, shaking the straw from her coat and turning to inspect her foal.

"Well," Ashleigh said as Wonder nuzzled the foal and began to lick its bay coat clean. "I guess that's that."

Then an unwelcome voice interrupted the silence. "Filly or colt?"

Ashleigh tugged her eyes away from Wonder and the new foal, resting a hard gaze on Brad Townsend as he strolled up the aisle.

"We haven't checked yet," Tom answered. "I'm still waiting for it to stand."

With a nod, Brad stopped next to Ashleigh and watched the pair without comment. Ashleigh turned away from him wordlessly, keeping her eyes focused on the little bay as it stretched out its dark forelegs in the straw and started its quest to stand. Wonder kept on licking and nickering, oftentimes sabotaging the foal's balance with her efforts to dry off her baby. After several attempts and many mistakes, the little bay was standing on four splayed out legs, looking around it like it couldn't quite believe it was already so tall.

"Filly?" Samantha asked when Tom slipped inside the stall to check the foal and mare over.

"Yup," Tom nodded his head, retreating as soon as he could after proclaiming both animals healthy. The little bay filly teetered toward Wonder, nuzzling the mare's honey chestnut leg before ducking her head underneath Wonder's stomach and finding her first meal. Wonder simply tossed her mane and sighed, sounding content.

"Well?" Ashleigh asked Brad, her curiosity to know what he was thinking overcoming her need to keep her questions silent.

"Looks like a nice one," was all Brad said. "The old man will be happy. I actually came up here to look at Three Foot's newest, but can't say that seeing this wasn't on my list of things to do."

"Three Foot foaled?" Ashleigh asked, sending a questioning look toward Tom.

"She did," the breeding manager nodded. "About an hour ago. Little A.P. Indy colt. He's a looker, too."

"You must be happy," Ashleigh commented to Brad, looking back at Wonder's daughter.

"It's been a good night," Brad said, leaning against the stall door and turning to look at her, finally seeming to notice her unusual appearance.

"Griffen…" he said, his voice fading away suddenly before he could say anything else, getting a confused glance from Ashleigh.

"Well, guys, I'm off to bed," Samantha announced. "Busy day tomorrow with moving the horses to Churchill and all. Hold off on name suggestions until later."

"We will," Ashleigh said, telling Samantha good night. "You know how long Mr. Townsend takes with names anyway."

"That I do," Samantha laughed, taking a last look at Wonder and her filly before heading out. Tom had left as well to check up on the other new foals, leaving Ashleigh alone with Brad, who was still looking at her darkly.

"What?" Ashleigh asked, shifting under his gaze and shooting a suspicious glare up at him. Brad only tilted his head a little in response, his eyes flicking over her before returning to her face.

"It's your birthday, right?"

Ashleigh frowned in response, and nodded.

"Bet you haven't celebrated it properly," he said. "The big twenty-one and all."

"Depends on what you mean," Ashleigh asked, crossing her arms.

Brad only smiled. "Come out with me, Griffen."

"Why should I do that?" Ashleigh asked stubbornly, remembering the friends she had wanted to return to for the rest of the night. Going anywhere with Brad seemed foreign and wrong, but then he moved closer to her. The smile slipped from his mouth.

"Oh, come on, Ash. I don't bite," he said, his voice low in his throat. Ashleigh blinked at him, wanting to tell him off and push him from her. She wanted to forget him, go to her car, and drive to meet her friends. Instead she stood still, her mouth slightly parted as she considered what words she would use.

"No surprises," Ashleigh found herself saying.

"No promises," Brad returned, then slipped past her and led the way.


	3. Ready Now

Part III: Ready Now

The warm water rinsed over her hands, washing away the soap and draining down the sink. She had smelled like horses, but now all she could smell was the antibacterial hand soap that she had found on the kitchen counter. With water dripping from her fingers, Ashleigh wiped her hands off on the towel next to the sink and shut off the tap.

They hadn't gone far. Going somewhere had been to the Townsend Acres guesthouse that Brad was currently occupying. Getting out of his parents' house had been, for Brad, moving 100 yards and renting the guest cottage, which, Ashleigh supposed, was convenient for him. After all, she had moved into the Townsend Acres apartments just to stay close to Wonder and her job.

"Got any name ideas for Three Foot's newest?" Ashleigh asked, turning away from the sink and into Brad, who was handing her a cold brown bottle. Frowning, Ashleigh took the beer and cradled it in her hands.

"Not at the moment," Brad said, shrugging and hopping onto the counter, drinking a large gulp of his beer. "I'll have to get to it soon before my father runs off and names him something generic, like AP Mischief or Townsend Indy."

"Your father was never too creative with names," Ashleigh agreed, sipping delicately at her beer and making a face at it, deciding to put it down on the counter behind her.

"He's had his moments," Brad said, reaching behind Ashleigh and putting the beer back into her hands. "Mischief Maiden was his idea, and Maiden Voyage."

"Two points for Clay," Ashleigh muttered at the mention of Voyage, taking a larger, braver sip of her beer.

"Anyway," Brad switched subjects, quickly veering away. "What's with the new look?"

Ashleigh looked down at herself and shrugged, feeling completely self-conscious in a way she never had before. It was a much different feeling than she had experienced at the restaurant, because Ashleigh could deal with teasing and compliments. Brad was neither teasing nor complementing her. Instead he was always silent criticism.

"I just gave in to a friend of mine," Ashleigh shrugged again.

"So you didn't get all trussed up for Reese, then," he asked, bringing Ashleigh's hazel eyes up to meet his face.

"What is your problem?" Ashleigh asked.

"Haven't got a problem," Brad said nonchalantly, looking over at her with interest. Ashleigh looked away, setting her jaw.

"I'm sure," Ashleigh said, pushing away from the counter and spinning to face him. Brad watched her, not seeming all too surprised. "You know, I'm not exactly in the mood to put up with your jealous crap right now. I'll be going. Thanks for the drink."

She moved past him, only to be tugged back when he grabbed her wrist.

"Okay, Griffen," he said, pulling her to him. She rotated her wrist, but he held fast. With a flustered sigh she jerked her hand up and broke his hold, glaring at him defiantly.

"Did you need something?" she asked.

"Look, I'll apologize," Brad said, chuckling a little. "Okay?"

"I don't want your apologies, Brad," Ashleigh sighed. "I've certainly heard enough of them over the past few months."

"Christ, Ashleigh," Brad said. "I'm not going to do this again. Voyage has been in the ground for nearly three months. Just leave it."

"I don't blame you for her," Ashleigh said, knowing it sounded hollow and false. She couldn't help but blame him.

"The hell you don't," Brad answered, like he always did. "I've always accepted responsibility, but I'm not apologizing anymore. Especially not to you."

"Thanks, Brad," Ashleigh spat sarcastically, feeling the overwhelming need to leave even when her legs failed to carry her to the door. He looked at her in a way that she hated, his eyes locked on her face as he clenched his hands around the edge of the counter top. She winced when he jumped down, approaching her slowly.

"What are you doing?" Ashleigh asked warily, forcing herself to keep her eyes on his, as if staring him down would stop him.

"I just want to know when you're going to get off your high horse," Brad told her, stopping inches from her so that Ashleigh was forced to tip her head back to look at him. "The mare was sound when she stepped on that track, she worked brilliantly…"

"And then she died," Ashleigh finished for him.

"Fine," Brad said, visibly irritated. "It was my call, and then she died. Are you satisfied yet?"

"There's not much to be satisfied with," Ashleigh replied, slipping around him then and going to her beer, feeling the need to ignore him somehow and deciding this was her best option outside of walking to the door.

"Hell, Griffen," Brad grumbled. "If Charlie taught you anything it's how to hold a grudge."

"Yes, I'm cold and unforgiving," Ashleigh said, smiling bitterly. "But, if I'm any of those things you're a manipulative son of a bitch."

Brad laughed at that, and walked up to her. "Yeah?" he asked, looking at her dangerously. "Just how manipulative am I?"

"Who and what haven't you tried to push around?" Ashleigh asked him, finding herself looking up at him again.

"If I think it can be pushed," Brad started, looking at Ashleigh directly. "I'll push it."

"You're not pushing me," Ashleigh replied.

"Haven't I already?" Brad asked, making her flinch. Ashleigh scowled, angry that he was putting her in a position she couldn't get out of.

"You're a bastard," Ashleigh said, standing firm.

"We've already had this conversation, Ash," Brad said, looking amused as he reached forward and threaded a hand through her dark curls.

"No, Brad," Ashleigh batted his hand away. "We haven't. We haven't had the conversation about last Christmas, and why you're a general bastard in that way."

"You want to talk about last Christmas?" Brad asked.

"Not really," Ashleigh snapped.

"Because it just seemed like a good idea at the time," Brad told her, making Ashleigh's spine twinge.

"That's it?" Ashleigh asked, suddenly silencing herself. They stared at each other quietly, both a little unsure of which way to turn. Ashleigh bit her lower lip nervously, stunned by herself.

"I guess there's a reason you're here, isn't there?" Brad asked her after a moment, getting a flustered look from Ashleigh.

"Not in the way you think," she said defensively.

"Oh?" Brad asked, watching her curiously. "It seems to me that you're here for the same reasons I want you here."

"Why do you want me here?" Ashleigh asked, flustered.

Brad didn't seem interested in answering. He looked at her closely, then snaked a hand back into her dark hair, smoothing the wild curls into his fist at the nap of her neck as he drew her toward him. Their lips just touched before she pulled back with wild eyes.

"No," she shook her head, pressing a hand into his chest. He untangled his hand from her hair and backed off for a moment, watching her as she stared at him and took a large breath.

"I'm not doing this," she told him.

"You're not," he said, repeating her softly.

"No," Ashleigh said, shaking. "You and I are a huge no. I'm not a conquest, and you can't have me."

"Can't I?" he asked, pinning her down with his gaze as he moved in again, a hand on her hip as he pressed her against the countertop. The edge of the counter dug into her waist as he pushed her against it, closing the space between them quickly. Ashleigh gasped softly at the contact, tipping her head up to watch him. She wanted to act defiant, even if she was burning. With a hand on her hip and the other gripping the edge of the counter, Brad took his time as Ashleigh stood in front of him and glared.

"Getting anxious, Ashleigh?" he asked, moving his hand from her hip and up to her hair, twisting his fingers through the ironed curls.

"I'm not holding my breath," Ashleigh replied scathingly before he kissed her.

Her first reaction was to pull away, breaking the kiss and pushing back against his hand. Ashleigh opened her mouth in protest, finding that the right words were refusing to present themselves. Taking advantage of the situation, Brad tugged her softly back to him.

They watched each other; Ashleigh's suspicious glare met Brad's lust and dissipated slowly. She had kissed him back last time, if only for a few fleeting seconds. Since then she hadn't understood what was going on, but there was always a nagging urge to figure it out. Pulling her closer to him, Brad tightened his hold on her as Ashleigh's mouth opened and the kiss deepened.

Just for a moment, Ashleigh closed her eyes. She let her fingers curl around the edge of the countertop, let Brad slide a hand down the back of her thigh and lift her up. He settled her on the counter, breaking the kiss for a moment to look at her. Ashleigh stared at Brad through the few curling strands of dark hair that had tumbled into her eyes. Her new vantage point made her just tall enough to be able to look down on him – a view she had to admit to liking just a little bit.

Brad must have picked up on this, because he was suddenly smiling and tugging her down to him, kissing her. Ashleigh scooted to the edge of the counter, shifting her legs apart to let Brad get closer to her. Curiously she moved her hands to his shirt, digging the tips of her fingers into the cotton material. Then she made a bold move, skimming her hand over his chest and into his hair, gripping lightly.

Ashleigh could feel her heart thumping loudly with nervous excitement. Brad slanted his mouth over hers, their tongues pushing past teeth and withdrawing languidly. When Ashleigh felt his hand moving down her leg and to her ankle, gripping the hem of her skirt in his fist, she had to pull away with a sharp intake of air. He wasn't smiling now, and Ashleigh felt a nervous twinge shoot up her spine when his fingers began to snake up her calf muscle, dragging the hem of her skirt along with them.

"Hey, Ash," he muttered, kissing her jaw and drawing her back to his mouth. Ashleigh kissed him tentatively, most of her attention on his hand as he moved his palm over her knee and bunched her skirt over her thighs. His hand moved up her leg, headed toward her hips, and disappeared under the material of the skirt. Ashleigh watched with fascination before closing her eyes and kissing him back, feeling his warm fingers moving on her skin.

This was new. This was wildly new, and Ashleigh scooted a little closer to Brad, her breathing shallow, as she reveled in this shivering feeling. Her legs were bare, her feet hooked on drawer knobs, and Brad was there pressed against her, kissing her, his fingers edging away and toward the elastic of her panties when he broke away and looked at her.

Ashleigh made an unexpected noise at the loss of contact, then sucked her lower lip between her teeth and bit down to quiet herself. His fingers were still there, their warm tips just skimming across her skin.

"Open your eyes, Ash," he requested, and she obliged, looking at him with expectations on her lips.

"Can't I have you?" Brad asked against her parted mouth.

Immediately Ashleigh stiffened, repelled. She pushed her hands against his chest and shoved him away, suddenly feeling cold with her skirt hiked up over her knees. Quickly she pushed the material down and jumped off the countertop.

"Ash?" Brad asked, sounding confused.

"No," she shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest. "No, you can't."

"Ash, it wasn't like…"

"No," she interrupted him, making him settle for glaring darkly. "There are only so many things you can have, Brad."

"Oh, spare me," Brad replied with a voice laced with contempt and frustration. "You can hold back on the theatrics, okay?"

"My theatrics?" Ashleigh asked. "As if you hadn't dictated this whole damn thing."

"And like you didn't make it a hell of a lot easier," Brad told her pointedly.

"That means something?" Ashleigh asked angrily.

"Does in my book, Griffen," Brad said.

"Fine," Ashleigh responded with clipped words. "What it doesn't mean is that you deserve me. You'd never deserve me."

The kitchen was silent for a few moments as Ashleigh stared up at Brad and traded a glare. He didn't say anything, and Ashleigh finally turned away. No one said a word as she walked out the door, stepping into the cold April night to find that it was snowing.

Brad leaned against the countertop, ran a hand through his hair hard enough to press away the itching feeling on the skin that she had touched. Then he sighed and stared up at the ceiling, making the decision that he shouldn't care to walk out the door after her. It wasn't like she'd appreciate it.

Walking down the driveway, Ashleigh watched the snow drift through the air. Her car was still parked by the broodmare barn, so she headed back toward the farm. Perhaps she'd drop by on Wonder before she headed back out to meet her friends. She walked steadily, shivering and not knowing if it was from the cold or not. She didn't glance behind her. The snow swept to the ground, catching in her hair and shining brightly, and Ashleigh kept walking.


	4. Oaks and Lillies

Part IV: Oaks and Lilies

The large truck rumbled over the stretch of concrete, hauling the long white horse trailer close behind. Ashleigh sat curled up in the passenger seat of the cab, staring vacantly out the window as the outskirts of Louisville slipped by. Her eyes were a little red, and her long brown hair showed the remains of curls.

"Thank God," Ashleigh heard Samantha mutter to herself as they turned off the road and into the main gates at Churchill Downs. Ashleigh glanced back at her friend and smiled with understanding; Princess had been persistently kicking and screaming since they had left Townsend Acres, and only now had she seemed to quiet.

Ian steered the rig past the security gates and over the uneven gravel to the backside of the track, which was seeing more activity than normal. This wasn't surprising. The Kentucky Oaks and Kentucky Derby weekend drew more attention than any other event in the sport, and Churchill Downs was always swarming with activity on the first week of May.

As Ian killed the engine outside of the stakes barn, Ashleigh opened the door of the rig and swung down to the ground, followed quickly by Samantha. Princess could be heard whinnying and kicking at the metal sides of her stall inside the trailer, so they would have to be quick about getting her out before she went too far and injured herself.

Ashleigh undid the latches and swung the doors of the trailer open, looking in on the suddenly curious horses that peered at her over their long backs. Princess was the closest, so Ashleigh immediately undid her ties and backed her down, the chestnut filly tossing her head and flying down the ramp.

"Okay," Ashleigh grunted, digging her heels into the gravel as Princess wheeled and high stepped around her, eyeing her new surroundings suspiciously.

"I'll get the others," Samantha informed Ashleigh as she disappeared into the rig. Ashleigh didn't say anything, her attention on Princess as she tugged on the lead rope and began to move her into the stakes barn, which was bustling with activity.

Winding around people, horses, and equipment, Ashleigh led Princess down to her assigned stall and slipped her inside. Princess came to a quick and surprised halt in the middle of her made up stall and snorted at it with disdain, flicking her ears before turning to inspect every corner.

"She looks a little worked up," Ashleigh heard a voice approach her, making her frown as she turned to answer.

"You know she's never liked to travel," Ashleigh said, looking over at Brad as he stopped next to Princess's stall, looking over the filly. "Why don't you go help unload your horses?" Ashleigh added, nodding to the barn opening. "Sam needs a hand."

"I'm sure she can handle it," Brad answered. "It's only two horses."

"Your horses," Ashleigh answered curtly, checking that Princess had water before she moved away and walked back out of the stable. Samantha was leading Her Majesty toward the stable, the big bay mare cocking her ears lazily about as she followed Samantha into the barn.

"I'll get Dynarch," Ashleigh told the other girl as they passed each other, getting a nod before Samantha led the mare into the stable. Ignoring Brad, who leaned against the side of the trailer, Ashleigh trooped into the rig and undid Dynarch's ties, backing the colt down the ramp.

The colt, Brad's most recent acquisition, was Cave Run's entry in the Churchill Downs Handicap on Derby day. He was also the favorite to win the race, a fact that Ashleigh wasn't sure how she should feel about. On the one hand, she worked with the colt each day and enjoyed his personality, but he was also owned by Cave Run – not Townsend Acres – as was Her Majesty, who would be Princess's competition in the Oaks.

"You could lose the attitude," Brad said to her as she walked by with Dynarch, the dark colt jigging along at the end of the lead rope.

"I'd rather not," Ashleigh replied, slipping Dynarch into his stall, not looking at Brad for fear of remembering anything. It had only been a matter of hours since her birthday, a day she now had reserves about, and since then she had seen only glimpses of Brad. That was fine with her. The less she saw of Brad, the better. Brad hadn't actively sought her out, and for that she was glad. Ashleigh wasn't quite ready to dissect what they had done the night before.

Half expecting him to say something else, Ashleigh was a little surprised when she turned and saw Brad only roll his eyes and walk past her, leaving the barn entirely. Frowning at his back before he disappeared from view, Ashleigh successfully pushed him from her mind and turned away.

Ashleigh rose up in the saddle, feeling the filly underneath her rock over the tilled dirt of the track. Princess galloped slowly around the turn, her head tugged in toward her chest and her ears flicked back to listen as Ashleigh jogged her along the outer rail.

It was hard not to look at the rail, with so many people standing along it to watch the works. Photographers had set up cameras fitted with telephoto lenses, filming crews were taking shots for the special segments to be run over national television on Kentucky Derby day, and a myriad of other faces crowded around close to them to look over the commotion of the track. Handicappers, tourists, grooms, and others Ashleigh couldn't place a label on were watching with interest.

Princess eyed the crowds with suspicious interest, as though she was sizing them up while she rolled by. Ashleigh focused on the track and the horse under her, refusing to glance at the rail. It was her business to train the filly, and not to pose as a subject for photographs and the media. As she looked down toward the gap, she saw that Brad was taking the complete opposite approach.

Reporters were swarmed around the heir of Townsend Acres and owner of Cave Run. Photographers were snapping quick pictures of Her Majesty as she danced off the track under Samantha, whom winced at the sudden photo op she had stumbled across. Microphones were being thrust into Brad's face and he smiled for the questions. As soon as Ashleigh approached with Princess she could practically feel the ripple of excitement fly through the waiting crowd. Everyone wanted to get a look at Princess. As the favorite, she drew all the attention.

"Don't you think it's a conflict of interest running Her Majesty against Townsend Princess?" a woman asked Brad, who gave her a dashing smile that was immediately reciprocated. Ashleigh rolled her eyes and rode the filly through the gap, ignoring Brad's answer and the woman's quick second question.

"Sorry about this circus," Maddock smiled, understanding Ashleigh's irritation.

"Let's just get Princess out of the fray," Ashleigh said in return. "You know she hates the attention."

"That I do," Maddock said, taking the filly's bridle as Ashleigh jumped off the filly and quickly led them away from the cluster of reporters. Once they were in the dim privacy of the stabling block, Ashleigh took a deep breath and held the filly while Maddock checked her over.

"Good," he said, nodding as he checked Princess's legs, feeling for heat. "She's hard as a rock. I couldn't be more pleased with her."

"So it's all a go?" Ashleigh asked, glancing from the trainer, to Princess, and then out at the group of reporters that seemed torn between following the horse and staying with Brad.

Maddock nodded. "It's definitely a go."

The late afternoon sun had a way of pushing the temperature up, and Ashleigh was glad she stood in the shade as she watched the horses circle around her. The saddling paddock seemed filled to capacity, and from Ashleigh's vantage point near Townsend Princess's stall she was right in the thick of it.

There were ten horses in the race including Townsend Princess and Her Majesty. Townsend Princess still held an edge as the 4 to 5 favorite, although In Silver, a tall gray filly by Unbridled's Song, was standing at a good price just behind in the betting. Her Majesty and a prominent California filly, Ruling House, held down solid odds of 6 to 1, while the rest of the entrants were running at long odds.

Ashleigh was busy watching Townsend Princess, her eyes locked on the copper filly as she was led through the crowds. Princess eyed the densely packed people with suspicion, her coat darkened with sweat and nerves. The giant crowds were certainly having an effect on the filly, and Ashleigh found herself biting her lip in concern.

Just behind Princess was Her Majesty, the big bay filly being led around the paddock by Hank. To Ashleigh's slight dismay she saw that the bay wasn't at all concerned about the crowds.

"Well, we've worked her over this surface for the past few days," Ashleigh could hear Maddock speaking to a reporter behind her. "She's shown a liking for the track, and we've gotten some nice workouts from her since she's been here. My only concern is that she can handle the distance and the atmosphere."

"She certainly is an excitable filly," came the reply.

"Don't I know it," Maddock chuckled. Ashleigh sighed silently and closed her eyes for a moment, wishing good luck for Princess just as she heard Brad break into the interview.

"Then there's Her Majesty to deal with," Brad chuckled, and Ashleigh opened her eyes, seeing Brad draping an arm across Maddock's shoulders as the reporter turned her attention to him. Maddock shifted uncomfortably, but remained put for the camera.

"Her Majesty seems to have thrived on this surface since she's been here," the reporter said conversationally. "Do you think she's a legitimate threat to Townsend Princess and In Silver?"

"Odds don't tell you everything," Brad said, smiling. "Her Majesty has been running consistently in graded events since I brought her over from across the pond. She'll give this crowd a run for their money."

"Well, good luck to you both," the reporter smiled back, glowing under Brad's attention before turning away in another hunt for an interview.

As soon as the reporter vacated the stall Brad took his arm from Maddock's shoulder and looked over at Ashleigh, looking like he was about to ask her something before a pale hand slipped around his arm, distracting him. With a sigh Ashleigh glanced away as Lavinia smiled up at Brad, asking them when they would be heading up to the stands.

"In a moment or two," Brad said, taking Lavinia's hand in his before striding off into the crowd with her in tow. Ashleigh rolled her eyes as they mingled their way through high society's horse owners and set her sights back on Princess as Samantha led the filly toward their stall.

"She's sweating buckets," Samantha said, patting the filly's wet chest with a look of concern. Princess only tossed her head and moved away from Samantha's touch, snorting nervously.

"It's the crowds," Ashleigh said as the call for riders up as announced. "Hopefully she'll get her mind on the track when she gets out of this circus," she added, looking around as the line of starters began to form.

"Better get out there," Maddock said, giving Jilly a nod and a boost into the saddle. Ashleigh kept a hand on Princess's neck as Jilly settled herself in the saddle, giving Ashleigh and Samantha a reassuring smile.

"She'll be fine," Jilly said, nodding to Samantha. "Take us out, Sam."

Ashleigh backed away then, watching as Samantha led the filly away. She kept her eyes on the filly until she no longer could, especially when Princess disappeared and Ashleigh caught sight of Brad among the crowd. He was watching her, seemingly unconcerned that Ashleigh had found him. It was only when Her Majesty paraded between them that his attention shifted, and Ashleigh took that as her opportunity to flee to the stands.

As soon as they had climbed and pushed their way to the box reserved for Townsend Acres the line of fillies were already well past the post parade. By the time Samantha, Brad, and Lavinia arrived the horses were warming up past the gate. Ashleigh watched Princess with rapt attention while the fillies moved up to the gate, the first of the group moving into the metal contraption easily. Princess flicked her ears at the gate suspiciously, dancing on her toes as she waited her turn.

"She isn't calming down," Samantha said, glancing over at Ashleigh and her father while Maddock nodded in agreement.

"Doesn't surprise me," Brad muttered. "Damn filly is always wound up tight."

Ashleigh took that opportunity to send a glare in Brad's direction, but she pushed down the anger she felt when he didn't bother to look at her. Princess was moving in a tight circle as an assistant starter struggled to throw a towel over her eyes, and Ashleigh sighed inwardly. The filly was certainly putting on a show.

"Look how Her Majesty is so patient," Lavinia pointed out, smiling as she held onto Brad's upper arm. "You trained her so well, Brad."

At that Ashleigh couldn't stop from rolling her eyes and glancing back at them as Brad said something inaudible to Lavinia. Then an unmistakable pang of emotion hit Ashleigh in the gut like a sucker punch, making her breath hiss quickly out of her lips. The horrible feeling of jealousy and anger seethed through her unexpectedly as though seeing Lavinia smile at whatever Brad was murmuring into her ear was too much. As far as Ashleigh was concerned Brad was hers to reject, not Lavinia's to admire.

Biting her lip to keep from saying something she shouldn't, Ashleigh turned away and focused on the gate as Princess finally walked inside. It didn't take much to remember that she had rejected Brad. She hadn't wanted him, and she had told him that flat out. If he wanted to make her jealous she could turn a blind eye. Ashleigh could be stronger than Brad, and she intended to beat him at his own game.

Then the gates burst open and the fillies thundered down the stretch past the grandstand, pulling Ashleigh's thoughts far from the couple standing nearby. Jilly had Princess solidly moving up to fourth on the outside, the chestnut in her usual stalking position as they moved into the clubhouse turn. By the time they hit the backstretch Ashleigh had to strain to see, standing up on her toes to look over the heads of the spectators in front of her. Very little significant movements happened until the horses hit the far turn, just as closers began to rally in hopes of reaching the front.

Midway through the turn Jilly put Princess through her paces, asking her to duck to the outside and wind around the leaders. Her Majesty was running full out behind her, moving further outside to put up a challenge. As they sped by the quarter mile pole Jilly tugged out the crop and swung it forward and back, swatting lightly at Princess's hindquarters just as the crowd began to roar in encouragement.

As soon as the crop landed on Princess's flank Ashleigh saw what would happen. The filly's head snapped to the left and her body moved right, straight into Her Majesty.

Ashleigh wanted to close her eyes. She anticipated a sickening crush as Her Majesty clipped heels with Princess and immediately sank to her knees, her nose pressing into the dirt as she somersaulted over the track. Instead she watched it, unable to look away and unable to act. Her Majesty tumbled in the dirt, her jockey thrown clear. Princess raced full steam ahead, continuing on as if Her Majesty hadn't affected her. Ashleigh watched in stunned silence as In Silver plowed up the track and challenged, finally pulling ahead to win by a length.

As soon as the race ended Samantha was pulling Ashleigh along with her as they ran down to the track, forcing Ashleigh to recognize what had happened. They were out on the track in an astonishingly short time, meeting the ambulances that were already parked around the scene. Her Majesty had been urged to her feet, but she was clearly favoring her left fore. The jockey, one Brad always used, was already speeding to the hospital.

"Ashleigh," Maddock told her, gripping her shoulder and turning her around to face him. "I'll take care of this. I need someone to be in the receiving barn when Princess comes off the track. Make sure she's all right, then come find me at the clinic."

"Sure," Ashleigh answered softly, looking between the trainer and the stumbling, panicked filly. Then she noticed the element that was missing. Brad was nowhere to be seen.


	5. Tenere

V. Tenere

The sun had already set by the time Ashleigh arrived back at the Galt House Hotel and Suites, and the clear skies had darkened with storm clouds that had rushed over the horizon as soon as evening fell. As soon as she parked her rental in the hotel's parking garage the skies had opened and the rain poured down, promising a messy track for the Kentucky Derby.

With only Dynarch racing tomorrow for Brad's Cave Run operation Ashleigh wasn't concerned about the weather, but it did serve to put her in a worse mood. She'd been at the track clinic for hours after the Kentucky Oaks, her time completely spent between Princess and Her Majesty. The Townsend filly had been all nerves after the race, but hadn't shown any signs of major injury after a handful of hours kept under observation. Her Majesty was a different story all together, and the filly had kept Ashleigh in the clinic far longer than planned. As Her Majesty went into surgery Ashleigh was on her cell phone trying to get through to Brad, reaching him only once so she could spend ten minutes yelling at him.

Ashleigh walked into the main lobby of the hotel and went straight to the elevators, not caring that the hotel staff behind the reception desk watched her curiously as she stalked by. She knew she looked like she'd spent her entire day and most of the evening tending to horses, and Ashleigh didn't particularly care. As she stood in the elevator and waited to arrive on her selected floor she stewed quietly, running a hand through her long, undone hair and feeling the tangles catching painfully around her fingers.

When the elevator opened she steeled herself and walked down the hallway, her heart pounding nervously when she stopped in front of his door and rapped loudly on the wood with her knuckles. She stared at the peephole angrily, not interested in hiding what he was going to be messing with if he did decide to open the door.

The door opened, revealing Brad standing in black trousers and an undone white dress shirt. He looked freshly showered, which was just the reminder Ashleigh needed for her rage to boil over. He wasn't allowed to look so comfortable when she felt utterly exhausted and dirty after having worked with his horse for so long without him.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Ashleigh started, stepping in toward him and shoving the door closed behind her. Brad took a few steps backward, regarding her with his usual bemusement.

"Brad Townsend," he said. "I think we've been over this a few times too many, Ash."

"Shut up!" Ashleigh hissed. "Where the hell have you been?"

"I had a few things that needed taking care of," Brad shrugged, buttoning up his shirt.

"It couldn't have waited?" Ashleigh asked, fuming.

"Not exactly," Brad said casually, smiling a little.

"What does that mean?" Ashleigh asked, then stopped herself as soon as she saw a familiar purse sitting in one of the armchairs that sat near the windows that looked out onto the Ohio River.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me," she said, her voice dropping low as she looked up at Brad. "Really, tell me you didn't dump the responsibility of taking care of your two horses for Lavinia."

At that Brad stopped buttoning up his shirt and looked at her, his dark eyes boring straight into Ashleigh. "So I see you're playing the self-righteous, wronged woman as usual," he said, scowling at her. "How about you find some more proof before you start presuming things."

"That's hers," Ashleigh said, pointing to the purse as though it had offended her.

"Of course it is, Griffen," Brad said. "That's not my point. What I'm saying is that no, I didn't dump my two horses on you so I could bring Lavinia back here. Why the hell would I do that?"

"You tell me!" Ashleigh challenged, her voice rising. "You left me to supervise Princess's x-rays, and you left Maddock to sign off on Her Majesty's surgery. I stayed at that damn clinic and called you…"

"I answered," he started to defend.

"Once!" Ashleigh said, finding it an effort to keep her voice down.

"And you shouted at me, yeah," Brad said. "Real incentive to keep answering the phone when you call."

Ashleigh sighed and rubbed her temples with her fingers, feeling a headache blossoming in her forehead. Then she lowered her voice again, trying not to sound as tired as she felt. "Will you please tell me where you were?"

"You're really upset about this, huh?" he asked, and she looked up at him, lowering her hand from her forehead. What she saw wasn't anyone whom seemed concerned. In fact, he seemed his normal assured self. Then he smiled slowly, rocking forward to move toward her.

"I'm upset because you weren't there," Ashleigh reiterated, refusing to step away when he stopped a few short inches away from her. "I'm angry because you won't tell me what you were doing that was apparently more important than the horses. It's not my job to run around and clean up messes that you're responsible for."

"You're the assistant trainer, Ash," he reminded her. "I'd pretty much say that's the definition of your job."

Ashleigh looked up at him, her skin starting to crawl as she realized just how close he was. She remembered once before when they had played out this scene in the rain after Pride's break down in the Belmont Stakes. That was the first time she had been left with Maddock to take care of business as Brad and his father effectively disappeared from the scenes. Of course, she hadn't been angry that Brad hadn't been there for Pride. Things had drastically changed since then.

Stepping away from him, Ashleigh shook her head slowly. "So that's what this is about then?" she asked, brushing away the stinging comment he had made. "Now I'm just the assistant?"

"You were always just the assistant," Brad said darkly, looking directly at her. "What makes you think you were more?"

"Oh, that's rich," Ashleigh said after a shaking breath. "Did I bruise your ego, Bradley? Maybe being rejected so thoroughly isn't something you're accustomed to in your bright history of seducing my sister and the occasional heiress."

He stepped forward quickly, grabbing her elbow and pulling her to him before she had a chance to get away. His other hand wrapped around her wrist, effectively catching her up against him. Ashleigh sucked in a breath and looked up at him, her heart beating furiously against her ribcage.

"First of all," Brad said, keeping his dark eyes locked on hers, "don't call me that. Second, I had you too, didn't I?"

"No," Ashleigh said, wriggling a little in his grasp to no avail. "You didn't, Brad. Plus, that assistant comment isn't getting you there any faster."

"No?" he asked, his eyes wandering down to her neck. "So what is it that you'd like to be?"

All of a sudden he released her and Ashleigh stumbled back, glaring at him.

"The thing is, Griffen," he said, standing where he was. "I hear multitudes of what you don't want. Maybe if you tried hitting on what you did want we'd have a clearer picture here."

"I figured that in my decision to not want you I was pretty damn clear," Ashleigh spat.

"The most remarkable thing is that I don't exactly believe that," Brad said.

"You wouldn't," Ashleigh said shortly. "Resurrecting Lavinia back in your life broadcast that message loud and clear."

"Lavinia," he sighed, trailing off with a small smile at the purse sitting less than innocently in the armchair.

"She's convenient?" Ashleigh suggested. "A tactic to make me jealous?"

"Seemed to work just fine," Brad admitted in a low, gravelly voice. Ashleigh watched him, neither admitting nor denying anything. At this point she wasn't sure what her feelings were. Clearly Brad had succeeded in making her jealous, and that fact had Ashleigh spinning.

"Brad," Ashleigh started, deciding to take a different route, "even if I were jealous you know we can't do this. Not after everything we've been through. We…"

"Please," Brad laughed, lifting a hand as if urging her to continue. "Keep thinking that it makes you feel better, Ash. Although it might help matters if you weren't constantly bouncing back and forth like a God damned rubber ball."

"I am not bouncing back and forth!" Ashleigh said, blushing with the knowledge that she was doing just that. "I'm not jealous, and I'm certainly not jealous of Lavinia. Nor do I want to have anything to do with you. I have never continued anything to even make you think that…"

"Ashleigh," he sighed, breaking into her rising tirade softly.

"What?" she asked angrily, looking up at him as though challenging him to change her mind.

"Just shut up for a second," he said, moving up to her.

"I am not going to…"

Backing up his request, he lifted a hand to her chin and kissed her, breaking off her retort. Ashleigh immediately pressed her hands to his chest and pushed back, searching for composure when he was a few inches away watching her eyes.

"Stop this, Brad," she said under her breath.

"Don't trust yourself to stop it?" he asked, his eyes moving to her mouth before he lowered his head down to hers again, pulling her up to him. Ashleigh arched her back against him, grabbing onto the sleeves of his dress shirt to keep herself steady while he pulled her closer by wrapping an arm around her waist.

"I can," Ashleigh said as they as they broke away from each other, breathing heavily.

"You don't want to," Brad answered. "You would have done it all ready."

Ashleigh looked at him wide-eyed, her mouth parted slightly with the realization that she did trust herself to stop this. What shocked her was that she had no desire to stop it, and that wasn't Brad's fault. Ashleigh watched him carefully, weighing her options as he waited for her, as though he wanted her to come to him instead of pushing her as per the usual.

When she came to her decision Ashleigh didn't say anything. She simply closed the gap between them and rose up, meeting his mouth with her own. He managed to cover his shocked reaction quickly, bending down to her and matching her rushed violence with his own. He also didn't bother to ask why she had come to this decision. If he had asked Ashleigh knew she would have told him to shut up, or perhaps she would have decided to ignore him. At this point Ashleigh was perfectly fine with not thinking clearly.

She was also fine when he pushed her suit jacket off her shoulders and discarded it on the floor. Ashleigh was already pulling on his dress shirt, bunching the material in her fingers and tugged the shirttails from the waistband of his pants. That made him pull back a little to consider her, but her slow smile served to reassure him that he shouldn't question what she was doing. Ashleigh wasn't interested in answering questions. She simply knew what she wanted and that was her need to explore him, to find out what exactly it was he was promising her. Ashleigh wanted to give in for the briefest of moments, and Brad didn't feel the need to question her.

Instead he pushed a hand into her hair, resting his fingers at the base of her skull, and tugged her back to him, kissing her while Ashleigh rose up on her toes to meet him. With her eyes closed she skimmed her fingers over the edges of his untucked shirt, finding the buttons and beginning to undo them from the bottom up, letting her knuckles brush against his bare skin underneath the material. If this was a signal Brad picked up on it and moved his other hand underneath the hem of her dark blue sleeveless silk top.

When he touched her skin Ashleigh opened her eyes and watched him curiously. He was already looking at her, his dark eyes glassy and unfocused on her face. Ashleigh swallowed nervously, refusing herself the luxury of thinking, and unbuttoned the rest of his shirt so she could slide it off his shoulders and down his arms. He allowed this easily, discarding it on the floor without a thought. To even the score he took the hem of her shirt and shifted it up, slipping it from her body without a sound of refusal from Ashleigh. Instead she stepped back up to him and kissed him, drawing him toward her mouth frantically as though a moment away from his hands was too painful to bear.

He pressed her backward, guiding her without seeing toward the bedroom. Ashleigh moved with him, trying not to step on his feet before her back unexpectedly met with something hard. Opening her eyes, Ashleigh found herself pressed to the wall outside the bedroom doorway.

"Missed the door," she murmured between kisses, although Brad seemed hardly concerned.

"I can fix that," he said, reaching down to wrap an arm underneath her thighs and lift her up. Her back ran up the wall and to steady herself Ashleigh wrapped her arms around his neck and clung as he moved them through the door and fell on the large bed.

Their shoes were hastily kicked off and hit the floor at the foot of the bed. Ashleigh trailed her fingers over the muscles of his torso as Brad moved away from her mouth, running his mouth down her neck and below. Looking up at the ceiling for a moment, Ashleigh pushed away thoughts of doubt and moved her fingers down to his belt, undoing it clumsily as Brad moved back to her mouth.

Pushing up, Ashleigh kissed him hard, turning them over and off the bed. They landed on the carpet with a thud, Ashleigh sprawled on top of Brad with her hair hanging into his face.

"You're becoming quite the challenge," Brad said, meeting Ashleigh's gleaming eyes.

"Wouldn't want it any other way," Ashleigh smiled at him.

"Come here, Griffen," he replied, putting a hand into her hair and drawing her down. Ashleigh kissed him, straddling his waist. He moved his hands up her back, undoing her bra and slipping it off her shoulders. When his hands moved to cover her Ashleigh let out a soft, hissing breath.

"Okay?" he asked.

"Maybe the bed was a good idea," Ashleigh said softly. "I'm cold."

In response Brad reached up and pulled the comforter off the bed and onto them. Ashleigh rolled over until she found herself underneath him and surrounded by the comforter as though they had created a cocoon around them to trap their warmth. Brad lifted himself on his lower arms and settled between Ashleigh's legs.

"Better?" he asked.

"Much," Ashleigh said, moving her hands down to his pants. Before she could undo the top button he stopped her, looking down at her darkly.

"You're sure about this?"

"Brad," Ashleigh said, letting herself smile. "Assume all of my answers to your questions are going to be positive."

"That could be dangerous," he said with a wry smile. Ashleigh shrugged.

"I'm willing to trust you this once."

He arched an eyebrow and let go of her hand, moving his own to her pants to tug them down her legs. Ashleigh wiggled out of them easily, and watched as he got rid of his black dress slacks, kicking them away from their makeshift bed on the floor.

Ashleigh arched her back toward him with a breathy sigh as he moved up her body, his hands skimming over places that Ashleigh knew should make her blush. Instead she only encouraged, pressed her short nails against his back, and lifted herself up to his mouth.

Once Ashleigh was sure each square inch of her skin was humming, Brad said against the base of her throat, "Ash, I don't have…"

"Not a problem," Ashleigh said softly, trying to keep the nervousness from her voice. "The Pill."

"You trust me otherwise?" he asked, and Ashleigh leveled her eyes on his, feeling impossibly close to him.

"You're talking too much," she said.

"Gotta know something else," he said, and she impatiently shifted underneath him, rubbing up against his body. He made a hissing noise and reached down, grasping her hips to stop her as she smiled in victory.

"This is your first, isn't it," he said without a question in his voice. Ashleigh frowned.

"No, it's not," she lied, not liking it that he had assumed his role in this was that important. She shifted again despite his grip on her hips, feeling the need to convince him and ignore her nervous trembling. He could feel her legs shivering without having to touch them with his fingers, and Ashleigh needed him to not care.

She kissed him then, pulling him to her, starting things in motion. He didn't say anything else, just moved until both lay gasping.

Ashleigh laid underneath Brad for several moments, her eyes closed as she listened to their hearts beating rapidly together. A ghost of a smile slipped over her lips as she felt something like contentment. Brad rested his forehead on her shoulder, his eyes closed. She could feel his breath warm on her skin, and Ashleigh forgot herself for a second, turning her head to let her lips brush across his forehead.

"Griffen," he said against her skin.

"Yes," she said, wondering what would happen now.

"You lied," he said simply, moving his weight off of Ashleigh and lifting his head to look at her.

Ashleigh shifted uncomfortably, looking up at him. "How does it matter?"

"Would have been nice to know," he said as she began to move out from under him. The warmth of the comforter had suddenly grown sweltering and Ashleigh moved out into the coolness of the room, the force of the air conditioning on her damp skin making her shiver. He watched her as she began to pick up her discarded clothes, pulling on her panties and bra before finding her pants.

"Ashleigh," he sighed, rolling onto his back and watching her as she picked up her shoes. "What are you doing?"

"I need to go," Ashleigh said, not looking at him. She slipped her feet into her shoes and made her way into the main room, picking up her shirt and shrugging it over her head. When she moved to pick up her jacket off the floor Brad was walking out of the bedroom, buckling his pants. Ashleigh didn't look at him as she hurriedly pulled on the jacket, turning to the bathroom only to run into Brad.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked her, reaching down and grabbing her wrist as she tried to move past him.

"I'm leaving," Ashleigh said, pulling her wrist out of his grip and moving into the bathroom, frowning at her tangled hair. She reached into her pocket and found an elastic band, using it to pull her hair out of her face and somewhat hide the tangles.

"So what is this going to be?" Brad asked.

"What do you mean?" Ashleigh asked, giving him a flustered look as he blocked the bathroom doorway, keeping her trapped inside.

"Us," he said.

"There is no us," Ashleigh said, crossing her arms and glaring at him defiantly. He laughed bitterly.

"So did you get what you needed out of this?" he asked. "You were curious, you knew I wanted this, and now your experiment is complete?" he asked, leaning against the doorjamb and offering her a way out. Ashleigh didn't move.

"That's not how it was," Ashleigh said. "I wanted to do what we did."

"Then how do you explain this?" he asked.

"I don't think…" Ashleigh trailed off, looking away from him as she tried to explain herself. She knew she couldn't begin to explain to him everything she was thinking. Maybe part of it had been an experiment. Physically she could admit that she wanted him just as much as he wanted her, but outside of that they were a mess. She had to be stronger than this.

"Brad," she sighed, looking down at the sink, her eyes staring blankly until she saw it. She closed her mouth, letting all the words she could have said die in her throat. Instead she reached forward and picked up the two toothbrushes sitting on the white porcelain. She stared at them for a split second, knowing exactly what they meant, before turning back to Brad, who looked at her then with eyes she didn't recognize.

Before either could say anything the sound of a keycard slipping into the outside lock directed their attention to the door. Ashleigh looked past Brad, her rapidly beating heart crashing when she saw Lavinia walking into the room with a bagged dress in tow, her hair professionally done up and her make up perfectly applied.

"I'm back," the blonde woman called as she placed the dress over the back of the chair.

Ashleigh dropped the toothbrushes, sending them rattling into the sink just before Lavinia turned her attention to them.

"Oh," Lavinia said, her gaze moving from Brad's state of half-nudity to Ashleigh standing behind him. "I didn't know you were here, Ashleigh. When did you get in?"

"Just a minute ago," Ashleigh choked out, forcing herself to remain calm. Brad said nothing, his refusal to give Ashleigh an out making her see a scarlet shade of red.

"How are the horses?" Lavinia asked, smiling demurely as Ashleigh slipped past Brad, trying her best not to touch him as she moved out of the bathroom and closer to the front door.

"Princess is fine," Ashleigh said, waving the concern off with a toss of her hand. "We're going to check for some soreness next week, but she's in good condition. They found some bone chips in Her Majesty's x-rays, though, so she went into surgery. We'll just have to see how she comes along."

"Bone chips?" Brad asked, a look of genuine surprise underneath his dim appearance. Ashleigh tipped her chin up, glaring at him freely.

"Yeah," she said, deciding then that she didn't have to be nice. "You know. That all happened while you were off doing something else more important, I guess."

He scowled at her and Ashleigh turned her gaze away, giving Lavinia a forced smile as she said she'd let herself out.

Ashleigh trooped out the door, slamming it shut behind her and turning to rest her forehead against the wall of the hallway. She could feel a sob rising up her throat, and she swallowed it with difficulty as she pushed away from the wall and stumbled down the hallway to her door and let herself inside.

Immediately she dashed for the bathroom, feeling disgusted and upset. She could feel him all over her, and she had to wash him away. Once the water was hot she tugged off her clothes and kicked them out of the bathroom, then stepped into the spray. As the water ran over her skin she pressed her hands to her face and took ragged breaths as she tried not to cry. She didn't want to cry. Brad didn't deserve to be cried over, but she couldn't quite be convinced that she couldn't cry for herself.

As soon as she had hastily shampooed and washed him from her body Ashleigh dropped the soap to the floor of the shower, leaned against the cool shower tiles, and cried.


	6. Considere

VI. Considere

Three days later the world still felt like it had been turned on its head, and Ashleigh was left wondering how to tip it back in the right direction. It didn't help matters that she was alone in the knowledge of her mistake. She woke up and dragged herself down to the stables each morning, greeting Samantha's bubbling conversation and wishing she had someone to talk to whom wouldn't immediately be shocked by her story.

But, it was ridiculous to hope someone wouldn't be baffled by what Ashleigh was mulling over: that if she did break down and discuss exactly what she was going through she wouldn't have to answer a hundred thousand questions about why and how she had placed herself in this position. No one would understand, and Ashleigh knew this was because she didn't fully understand how things had disintegrated either. It had seemed like a simple act of giving in, but of course things never turned out so simple.

"I still cannot believe it," Samantha said as they walked up from the track, leading one of Brad's horses that raced for Townsend Acres back up to the barns. Ashleigh had forgotten the plain bay's registered name, which seemed fitting considering he hadn't attempted to lift his hooves in effort to win a race for a year and a half and hadn't been deemed ready to run by Brad for an additional five months. It seemed to Ashleigh it was about time to hang it up and sell the poor creature so they could stop wasting their time.

"The way he just zipped up there at the end?" Samantha asked. Ashleigh nodded, remembering the Mischief Maiden colt, the 5.2 yearling sale stopper of two years previous, as he inched up to nearly take the Kentucky Derby in the last seconds.

"It was something," Ashleigh agreed. "He'll be a Preakness favorite if he trains well."

"It must be difficult to let a colt like that go," Samantha sighed. "I wonder how Brad feels about seeing his yearling get that close in the Derby."

"There's no telling, Sammy," Ashleigh replied shortly, wishing for the life of her that she could remove Brad from the conversation without seeming too short about it. It apparently wasn't going to work.

"You've been a bit on edge since we got back from Louisville," Samantha observed as they walked into the training barn closest to the oval. "Is there something on your mind?"

Ashleigh suppressed a snort in response and shook her head with an ambivalent shrug thrown in for effect. "Nerves, I think," she said. "Precocious is getting close to yearling training, and I've never done that by myself."

Samantha offered her an assuring, carefree smile. "I'll be your helper, don't worry. Between my dad and me you'll have plenty of hands to make sure Precocious has the smoothest transition into training."

"Thanks, Sammy," Ashleigh said, whipping up a relieved smile at her friend as they tugged the tack off the bay gelding and handed him off to the grooms. Samantha collected the bridle and saddle, announcing that she had a few errands to run and would be back later in the afternoon. Ashleigh nodded, hardly hearing as she was again lost in thought. She heard Samantha laugh, commenting on something regarding Precocious, and headed in the direction of the tack room.

Alone in the aisle, Ashleigh rolled her shoulders and silently took stock. Since arriving back at Townsend Acres she'd managed to avoid Brad for the most part, and it helped that Brad hadn't shown at morning works at all, effectively cutting out the few hours of the day Ashleigh was most likely to see him. In Louisville he's also been as close to a non-factor as he was capable, showing up with Lavinia, speaking shortly to anyone whom dared to start a conversation with him, and watching the races several boxes away from the normal Townsend group.

It was a relief for Ashleigh, and a small part of her was almost convinced he might continue on like this, although she knew that was a fool's hope. It was only a matter of time before Brad decided enough was enough and went on the hunt again, or called things quits and convinced his father to fire her. The later version of possible events had Ashleigh's nerves on edge, and she found herself shocked that she couldn't determine which would bother her more. Ashleigh would never condone allowing a relationship to exist so she could keep a job, but she was more than a little worried that she might be offered the choice and forced into losing everything.

Exhaling the large breath she'd been holding in for as long as it took to calm herself, Ashleigh redid her ponytail and headed up to the employee housing to rinse away the grime that had accumulated on her skin during morning works. As soon as she emerged off of the wooded path to the apartment complex that sat well beyond the beauty of the farm, Ashleigh looked up from her feet to her front door and stalled there in the glen before the building, looking at Brad Townsend and feeling her breath hitch in her throat.

He was sitting in the old, frayed lawn chair she'd snagged from Charlie's patio. It looked ridiculous compared to him, their styles so different and clashing. Brad sat in the orange and brown chair, his long, tanned arms resting on his knees as he looked at her like he'd climbed out of an advertisement for clothing that Ashleigh couldn't afford.

"Griffen," he greeted, nodding slightly at her as she milled there by the mouth of the trail, silently considering how ridiculous she would seem if she turned on her heel and marched back into the woods. For a split second she wondered if she could outrun his long legs with her agility, and knew that any such scenario would only wind up with them in a tangle of limbs in the middle of the forest. Ashleigh blushed at her own thoughts, and Brad looked curious for a moment but said nothing.

"That's me," she finally replied, and stepped into the sunlight, blinking to adjust her eyes to the light. He stood up, neglecting to say anything to her as she walked slowly up to the door to her apartment, eyeing him warily with each step. He waited patiently, electing to remain silent until she arrived at the cement patio.

"I thought," he started, and stopped abruptly, looking from Ashleigh's nervous, yet expectant gaze to the forest behind them. With a sigh, he rubbed a hand through his dark hair and took a step back.

He shrugged, moving as though Ashleigh's presence made him too uncomfortable to stand still. "This is all clearly a mistake, Ashleigh," he told her then.

"A mistake?" Ashleigh asked, her voice too strained to be recognizable as her own. "What do you mean?"

"My coming here," he said, lifting his hand through the air as though painting a large red mark across a canvas. "All of it."

He made a move to leave then, and Ashleigh felt compelled to jump forward, grabbing his arm to keep him anchored in place long enough to drag more information out of him and convince him to take everything back that he'd just now tossed to the side like it was nothing. He stopped immediately when she touched the bare skin of his lower arm, his whole body seeming to tense under the pressure of her fingertips.

"What do you mean by that?" Ashleigh asked, narrowing her eyes in confusion, angry that he wasn't looking at her.

"Everything, Ash," he nodded. He turned around to focus on her face, looking dead set to let go of all that he wanted. "From the moment I saw you…"

He trailed off. Ashleigh let go of his arm quickly, and he shook his head.

"From that first moment to now, Ash," he said. "You want it gone, so it's gone."

"I don't understand," Ashleigh croaked, embarrassed by her refusal to follow him and be happy with what he was offering her. He looked at her like she was speaking in tongues.

"Don't do this to me, Ashleigh," he told her simply. "I'm not going to willingly wrap myself around your little finger."

"I don't want that," Ashleigh started, and came to a flustered stop before she could continue into a long, confusing speech that couldn't advance their situation toward any clarification.

"And we're back with what you don't want," Brad muttered to himself, rolling his eyes.

Ashleigh brought her eyes up to his and lifted her hands up into the classic flustered sign of peace. In reality, she didn't mean to offer any such sign.

"You want to know what I want, Brad?" She laughed, but it didn't sound normal to her ears. "I want you to stop swooping in and determining for the both of us what's best!"

"This isn't want you wanted?" Brad asked in some disbelief. "To be handed the opportunity to erase everything that happened?"

"I'm not a simpleton, Brad," Ashleigh remarked dryly. "Our pretending that nothing happened isn't erasing history. It will become a skeleton in a closet that will inevitably tumble out into the living room at the absolute worst time. That's how it always goes."

"So you're saying you don't want to ignore all of it?" he asked, the smallest spark of hope catching in his voice.

"I can't ignore all of it," Ashleigh told him. "For me, that's pretty much a physical impossibility."

He sighed; another reminder. Ashleigh blushed again, not meaning to let details like that slip. Carefully collecting herself, Ashleigh tried to do the same with her thoughts and found herself scrambling to form an argument for why exactly pretending was out of the question without admitting her simple desire for him. Simple victories, Ashleigh thought angrily, were still well within Brad's threshold. He'd be pleased with an admission of desire, so Ashleigh shied away from it on instinct.

"Talk," Ashleigh said. "We can come to a decision that doesn't involve conveniently forgetting, can't we?"

Brad gave her a look of disbelief. "I hate to burst your optimistic bubble here, Ash, but we don't talk."

"We're adults, right?" she asked. "We can try."

"We'll fail miserably," he told her, already sparking her fury.

"If you don't give it half a chance, yes, Brad, we will," she retorted.

"Why don't you tell me something first, then," Brad said, changing course. "Why is it you don't want to forget it? Wouldn't that be right up your alley?"

At that moment, the door next to Ashleigh's apartment swung open and April, one of Ashleigh's longest acquaintances at Townsend Acres, emerged into the daylight. Starting in surprise at what she had walked into, April offered them both a tentative smile and slipped out of the way, heading with brisk steps toward the path for the farm with one curious glance behind her.

"Great," Ashleigh muttered, taking the chance to avoid talking about her refusal to forget anything involving Brad.

"She'll chalk it up to our usual public arguments," Brad dismissed it. "Answer the question, Griffen."

"Despite what you're thinking of my tendencies," Ashleigh told Brad, crossing her arms over her chest. "I do not like to forget certain details of my life. Believe me, I have plenty of traumatic memories I'd be all too happy to forget, and I've never once tried to brush them aside."

"So this is a traumatic memory, then?" Brad asked.

"Maybe it wouldn't have been if Lavinia hadn't shown up," Ashleigh said, dropping her voice to a dull whisper to ensure that no one could overhear them. Brad grunted his amusement at her attempts to hide their conversation.

"Would going inside make you more comfortable, Ash?" he asked, and she shook her head quickly, rewarded with one of his snide smiles. "Didn't think so," he shrugged. "I can't apologize for Lavinia."

"You can explain her presence," Ashleigh said, refusing to let this issue be swept aside.

"She was sharing the room."

"Shared the bed, you mean," Ashleigh corrected, her voice low again.

"And not much else," he told her.

"That's not very comforting."

"Nothing else, okay?"

"That's not even remotely assuring."

Brad sighed and scrubbed a hand through his hair. "Then I have nothing else to offer on that subject."

"That's all you're going to say?" Ashleigh asked, her jaw dropping at his reluctance to explain himself.

"Does everything have to be so black and white with you?" he asked. "If you're trying to get around to asking if I had sex with her last week, or hell, anytime since that Christmas party you're all flustered over, then no. I haven't. If you're wondering why she was in that situation with me at Louisville, the answer is that yes, I wanted to get a rise out of you and yes, I hurt the poor girl in ways I shouldn't have in order to do it. Turns out we're all getting a raw deal after everything's said and done, so Lavinia is no longer pertinent to our problems, Ashleigh. Next fucking topic."

Ashleigh pressed her lips into a hard line and digested this information, wondering finally if any of it even mattered. Brad wanted to forget about things, and she didn't want to admit to anything. It was a deadlock neither would be able to break, and it was a solution that would ultimately hurt them both. Already Ashleigh could feel the first wisps of regret and pain course down her spine and settle uncomfortably in her stomach. She knew the notion was ridiculous, that she could be upset about his decision that erasing his desire for her was for the best. She'd never asked for him. She still wouldn't admit even to herself that she'd developed her own bottled up, nameless emotion for him. Then again, she understood that was probably her biggest obstacle; she wasn't at all willing to give Brad any morsels of hope.

When Ashleigh didn't say anything, Brad clenched his jaw impatiently and shifted away from her. A surge of adrenaline pumped through Ashleigh's system then, and she swore she felt her fingers start to tingle. Yet she couldn't talk. As she opened her mouth to talk, to respond, the words refused to climb out of her throat. Instead she stood there, staring wide-eyed and her mouth gaping.

"Are you going to say anything, Ashleigh?" he asked, looking for the life of him like he wanted to leave, and Ashleigh was too afraid she'd be left staring after his retreating finger and she'd never get a word out.

"I," Ashleigh croaked, her one attempt to talk swallowed by the swelling need to cry.

"Jesus Christ," she heard him mutter, and then he wasn't walking away; she was being pulled forward, and only stopped when she met his chest and his arms held her tightly to him.

Breathing raggedly, Ashleigh stared at the cotton fibers of his shirt through watery eyes and tried to rapidly piece together a reason for why she was acting like this. She could only come to one conclusion after several moments of hyperventilating and Brad's soft rubbing on the small of her back. He wanted to forget, and she didn't want him to. It was all her, now. She was the one hanging on after being unwillingly chased and seduced. She'd taken their games of cat and mouse, raised them to a new level, and was shocked to find out that in response he'd simply decided to give up the chase. It felt like she was left stranded in the ocean without a life jacket, and she was slowly sinking.

"It's better this way," she vaguely heard him mumbling into her hair. "Honestly, it was idiotic for me to do all of this to you. I'm…"

"Don't," Ashleigh said, maneuvering herself away from him just enough so she could swipe at her eyes. "Don't say you're sorry. You can't be."

"I am, Ash."

"How can you say that?" she asked, pushing further from him as his hands slipped to her hips, holding her gingerly like she was a clump of a hundred bottle rockets about to go off at once.

"How can you do this?" she asked before he could answer her. "Do you even know what you're doing?"

"I've spent the past three days thinking about this, Ash," he said with a dark glower as she looked up at him. "Since the moment you walked out, I've been actively avoiding you and I know you've been avoiding me. It just hit me that this is a lost cause. It's fucked up, really, this attraction to you."

"Do not do that," Ashleigh demanded, pulling herself away from him completely to his confused expression. "Don't presume that you have complete say over anything that involves me."

"I'm not presuming," Brad answered. "I'm right about this, Ashleigh. Things went too far, and God knows I wasn't ready for the fall out. I thought you'd be glad about this, really," he said, shaking his head. "I thought you'd be absurdly happy."

"How can I be?" Ashleigh cried at him. "How…"

"There it is," Brad said as Ashleigh's voice fell off, drowned by her fear. "How can I keep doing this, Ash? I can't. It's that simple."

"You're a coward," Ashleigh managed. "Pure and simple."

"It's better than making a complete fool out of myself by continuing this game over a girl who can't, and maybe never will, admit she wants it," he said with a shrug.

"I don't want it," Ashleigh said, vehemence rising under grief and spurred on by anger. "Never did."

"I know," Brad said, and then he laughed softly. "I'll be seeing you, Griffen."

Then he simply walked away. He didn't glance back, and he didn't stop, like Ashleigh assumed he would. He walked off the concrete patio, into the light, and disappeared into the woods. Ashleigh closed her eyes, wondering how far her legs could take her to him on that pathway, imaging tangled limbs, and then struck it all from her memory.

Quietly, she turned to her door and slipped the key into the deadbolt with shivering fingers. The door wrenched open and Ashleigh half fell into the apartment. Absent-mindedly, she kicked the door closed behind her and waited a moment, standing stalk still in the middle of her living room and she expected a knock on the door. None came.

With a soft breath from her lips, Ashleigh let her fingers go limp. Her keys dropped to the floor with a metallic clink. She inhaled again, finding a new resolve she didn't know she had, and bent to pick them up. As she moved from the living room and into her bedroom, placing the keys on an end table thoughtlessly, she arrived at her bedroom and shut the door. Calmly, with precise movements, she pulled off her shoes and leaned against the door for a second, taking a moment to breathe.

In that moment, Ashleigh decided she'd hate Brad Townsend. She could crush these feelings blossoming in her chest, developing in her mind, and she'd forget. It could be simple; just as simple as he seemed to think it would be for him. Ashleigh smiled a sad, emotionless smile, and knew she'd be better at it than him. She'd forget him in the blink of an eye.

Then she walked forward and curled up on the bed. She was asleep within minutes, and she dreamed.


End file.
